In A Nutshell Sports: Welcome to Fantasy Island

Reboot from September 26, 2012 "In A Nutshell." It's fitting today, and I never posted it.
Oh, and I'm The Brewzers in that trophy case at the end by the way.

Welcome to Fantasy Island

When I was a kid, a teenager, Aaron Spelling’s Fantasy Island was like the best show on television. For those of you who remember those 4 channel days, then you’re biting your lip and giving me a heavy metal head bang right now.

I have a new fantasy island, now that I’m an old dude. I’m a big fantasy sports player on the internet. That’s right. I used to actually suit up, put on cleats, wear my knee brace, not drink beer on game day… but those days are gone. I’m a fantasy sports guy now. Thanks to the dot coms, I am a relevant player again. I join as many leagues in as many sports as I can. Game day is no longer just for the big shot money makers like Tom Brady or Dale Earnhardt Jr. I have to be ready. If I expect to win a championship, I must be in tune with who’s hot and who’s not.

For anyone who has this disease, it can be trying at times to express the hard work that goes into fantasy sports leagues. Try and explain a game-time decision to your wife when it comes to your starting tailback. I cannot count how many times I have laid awake wondering if a pitcher on my roster is going to be healthy enough to make his start. It seems absurd, but it’s the closest I’ll ever get to managing my own professional sports team.

And it isn’t just me. In the world of professional sports, it’s serious business kids. Amongst the many pre-game programs dedicated solely to game day, there is at least one for every sport that is just for the fantasy owners. Highly paid ex-participants giving insider advice on who to play and who to put on the bench. Can you believe that? It’s like having Rainman sitting next to you at a blackjack table in Vegas. How could you lose?

Well… even with all the resources available, it can happen. I made it to the play-offs in my baseball league with a torrid assault on statistics for a three week stretch, pulling myself out of sixth place, only to lay an egg in the first round putting me in the consolation bracket. In other words… the losers bracket. Twenty-eight weeks of manipulating, trading and cutting players only to have it suddenly end with nothing to show for it. Even when you win there’s nothing. A few years ago I won a championship in a football league and the day after, the site was just shut down. No trophy. No confetti. No champagne. Not even an email saying nice job… winner.

I vowed to never play in another fantasy sports league that day. That was until I decided to become a fantasy hockey player. There’s nothing like getting your teeth knocked out during a brawl at center ice when you’re sitting at your computer. Ahhh, now THAT’S a fantasy. Look boss… the plane! The plane!